When it comes to breaking free from unwanted sexual behaviors there are many things that go into a successful recovery. At the top of that list is the need for community. Sharing life with others who have walked through the same things you're experiencing is invaluable. We become trapped in unwanted sexual behaviors for a variety of reasons, but secrecy and isolation are always part of the story. It is in this isolation we so often spiral into a place of shame and hiding. “If anyone really knew me and the things I’ve done, they would reject me and run away!” And we become stuck in a place of hopelessness.
Often our unwanted behaviors have stemmed from moments of pain when life’s hurt was outside what we knew how to deal with. So, we seek out a means to escape, to cope and comfort ourselves. This is a limbic response. It is our body and mind, our very being, automatically fighting to survive something. When we are young, we often have little or no means to cope with painful situations. That’s scary, especially to a young person who is already feeling like most of his choices are outside his or her control. Sex works to create a dopamine release and escape. When we couple pornography and masturbation, there is no threat or possibility of rejection. So, for difficult or scary things, pornography and masturbation is totally within your control, making it the perfect 'At Will' coping mechanism! This is done in secret most of the time, building more isolation and reinforcing the fear of being known by anyone. This makes it harder and harder to be in a real relationship. This reinforces the story in our head, “No one will ever accept me it they know.”
Group counseling is the antidote. When we share the part of us we fear and dread the most with others who understand and are safe, our brain changes. It begins to have new experiences of being ‘known.’ This allows the brain to experience safety and be seen. It requires bravery and vulnerability in order to take place. Groups are created to foster that safe place we all need to move out of isolation & hiding and into the acceptance of community. Anytime we take a chance to let anyone hear about the truth of who we are or what we have done, new neuropathways are created. Our brain actually changes. Over time this makes for new response patterns that propel you toward being a man who is honest, with himself, with God and with others. This is a big deal! While this big deal is happening you are surrounded by other men who are in very similar places on their journey. Because they get it, they can offer encouragement when your spouse may not be able to. Here you can find empathy as you learn to offer yourself grace and compassion in the process. You will also experience honesty. We all have blind spots that we can't see. Others on the journey with you may be able to see patterns that you might have missed otherwise.
Many men go through life with one real friend and many men have no true friends at all. Group provides the space to make connections and curate your own battle buddies. Many men have found deep connection and lasting relationships within these groups.
In these groups you will look into specific topics that propel you away from where you have been stuck into a new healthier places. Each group is designed with structure, focused learning, participation, and feedback by all group members. Each man contributes to the experience of the group.
Men’s Groups consist of a weekly 90-minute session. They require commitment for the duration of the material (this varies based on the group) and often print material(s) as well. The group sessions are lead by Randy Westover, our lead clinician. Randy holds both a Master’s in Counseling and a Bachelors in Christian Counseling both from Liberty University. In addition, he is a Certified Associate Sex Addiction Therapist (ASAT) trained by Dr. Patrick Carnes. In addition, he is trained through APSAT (Association of Partners of Sex Addicts and Trauma Specialists) and is a Certified Genesis Relapse Prevention Specialist as well.
No matter what your experience has been, there is a way out. Let us help you move out of secrecy and isolation and into a place of being known and accepted, moving toward the life you and your loved ones are searching for.
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